Static Aesthetic #1: "Cause if they see you with T, they'll think T needs some help"

    Static Aesthetic is a pretentiously - but you gotta admit very rhyme-ly - named column where I will post and talk about some videos that has inspired me of any genre of any medium with some choice screencaps. (At this rate I should have another column called Static Anesthetic where it'll be the complete opposite but jury's still out on that one) 

    And what better way to start this column of with a music video from this year's surprise contender (in the pseudo competition of my Itunes playlist) ; Tyler, The Creator! 

    So strange how years and months ago I told myself I would probably never be interested in Tyler's genre of music, let alone his own music. I'm eating those words happily now, don't get me wrong. I eat it joyously like how I would with a hot plate of sushi rolls and tempura prawns. Food analogy aside, Ty-ty is a prime example of that whole 'Don't Knock It Till You Try It' thing in my life.

F**king Young is the first song I've properly listened and really really enjoyed from Tyler and so it has a very special place in my little fleshy heart. 

1.  It's got a jaunty tune that is reminiscent to me of neo-soul and somehow a vintage ice cream parlor to me...for some strange reason. 
2.  The lyrics aren't exceptionally lewd or low-brow and in fact has an innocuous (and rather innocent! Really!) air about it yet it still has that dose of Tyler cheekiness. 
3.  The music video has sunflowers and references Mad Max at the end (What's there not to love about it?) 

    Seriously though, I really dig the visuals in F**king Young music video. It's not entirely outlandish or innovative, but somehow in it's simplicity of bright and colourful sets it has managed to resonate with me and gets me all tingly and feeling just a little bit more cheerful and pumped up at the end of it! 

At any rate, I wanted this post to inject some much needed colour into this blog since the past posts have been a little on the sombre side and Tyler's doing an impressive job. Keep on shining, you beautiful thing.

Hope to post again soon, Xx.

Aunty Anxiety

(a photo from a day of playing around in a public pool with my brother and the underwater camera YP gave me bless her)

Recently my anxiety has decided to materialize into a physical being I call Aunty Anxiety. Aunty Anxiety knocks on my door often and always. Aunty Anxiety sleeps in my bed, she sits in the corner and she envelopes me in a suffocating embrace although you gotta believe me I don't hate Aunty Anxiety at all. In fact, I share my bed, I let her sit wherever she wants and I pat her on the back like a socially-awkward family member at a wedding. Aunty Anxiety has grown on me, really.  

Like a rash.

Tonight, I lay awake. Everyone in the house is asleep and the only sound I can hear as I type this is my fingers going tap-tap-tap on this keyboard and the sound of my fan spinning and spinning. Why am I awake? Because Aunty Anxiety's being theatrical as usual and has me at gunpoint tonight, simply because she wants me to owe up to one simple fact.

That I am scared.

Yes, oh God, I am scared of the future. 

Are you happy now, Aunty Anxiety? Ok, cool.  

But despite all my fears, despite Aunty Anxiety's constant presence recently, it has come to my realization that it is time for me to leave the country. A few nights ago, just the very thought of leaving made me so sick that I felt like I was drowning in the middle of the ocean. My own thoughts were like strong currents pushing me down, leaving my limbs failing to flail and all I could taste - all I could think! - was saltwater so bitter I could cry. Aunty Anxiety's really into the ocean, if you couldn't tell. She's really crafty.  

Now, why the sudden realization? I won't say I think I'm ready - God knows I will never be a 100% ready - and truth be told I am far from ready. What I truly know is that I need to grow. The one thing that has always anchored me my whole life has always been my family. I love each and everyone that makes up this merry band - from father to Mak Cik Yus to Juju the cat - where every little quirk and every little bump I cherish with all my angst-ridden soon-to-be-pseudo teen heart. Therefore, with this, I owe it to them to leave so I could learn and grow into someone who can be an anchor for them instead. I know that I will worry about them, often, and it is a worry that cannot be so easily soothed. But for what I could do for them once I've become my own person, I can shoulder it. I must. 

Another thing that tells me that it is time for me to leave to America is what I'm leaving behind. To be perfectly honest, nothing much. My high school life has been abysmal in the sense where I spent most of my time daydreaming and wanting more out of this life just like a Disney princess and focusing what's left on stupid and shallow things. These things aren't even worth a crumb now in any possible currency. 

One thing I would be grateful for though, is how college made me feel completely above and beyond whatever my high school made me feel. Of course, obviously college wasn't a walk in the park. Some t-shirts I could make and sell about my college life would have slogans like "I Got My Heart Broken In College" or "I Got Stuck With Horrible Groupmates In College" or "I Thought I Met My Best Friend Forever In College" and the list goes on and on. What made college really wonderful for me was the friends I have made and the person I have become.

Seriously, God bless the people I've met in college. More specifically, never have I met a group of ladies who could possibly love me - Me! With all my fallacies even when Aunty Anxiety isn't in the picture! - and even harder still, get me to love myself a little more. Give those girls a goddamn medal! I owe it to these people too, just like my family, to grow and  to learn and most importantly, leave something behind that I could be absolutely and unabashedly proud of. 

Because I am and I can be proud of myself! This is a fact that my anxiety nor my fears take away from me! 

As I finish this all fired up, Aunty Anxiety is packing up her things as she has no means to stay for now. I do know that once she slips past that door, she will come back. She always does. But again, I do not hate her existence nor wish her gone. She isn't a villain that one vanquishes at the end of a movie or book or game. Really, Aunty Anxiety is a part of me I'm still in the process of accepting and trying to live with. So yes, she can visit all she wants as I know that I am just as ready to say goodbye to her each damn time.

Here's to some sleep and hope to post again soon, Xx.

Sunrise, You Try to Rise

     If anything, I give props to the sun for constantly being there 24/7, as much as everyone curses you sometimes. The moon comes and blocks you, but behind you're still shining on there sunshine. Obviously, trying to be like the sun is ridiculously stupid. I'm not a big ball of gas, nor is there a plastic surgeon I know in the world who could make me into that. I'm full of hot air, I know, but that doesn't make me the sun.

    And most importantly, the sun isn't a mere mortal struggling between existentialism crises and vain fancies. The sun doesn't have to worry about feeling used up or dried up like this mere mortal. The sun doesn't have to worry about what anyone thinks of them because holy cow you're the sun. Planets orbit around you. I can't even get people to listen to me sometimes.

   I'm not the sun. I cannot always shine.
   I'm not the sun. I cannot handle constantly being used.
   I'm not the sun. I cannot be completely alone, either.
   Sun rises, I try to rise.

Hope to post again soon (In a nicer state of mind), Xx.

 

Date Yourself Day and Record Store Day 2015

I don't fancy the negative connotations that has attached itself to the simple concept of doing things by yourself and for yourself. I think some days one should just go out on a date with oneself. Seriously, don't discredit your own company. Give yourself a little hug or treat every once in awhile, man. April 18th was Record Store Day and so I thought I'd visit my favourite - the only store I know so it wins by default really - record store, Teenage Head Records to partake in their festivities. 

Records/Vinyls for 10 ringgit a piece, their younger sister CDs also around to join the party for about 20-30 ringgit a piece, friendly owners, some cute guys, some good tunes, I had a good time!

Side note: I've realized that in me trying to plan posts and having goals set for this blog I'm just really holding myself back from posting anything. So, I've decided to let loose a little and just post whatever I feel like. I'm hoping this will be the first in more frequent updates, blogger boo.

Been listening to In Rainbows a lot nowadays in the car and I thought I'd drop one of my favourite tracks here!

Hope to post soon, Xx.

Tourist History - Penang

Here are most of the photos I took with my Ebay-ed Minolta XG-1. These two rolls were the first I ever took with the camera and actually developed so it was a pretty nerve-wrecking drive to the camera shop. Clammy hands and my brain going: 'oh Marsya let's see if you wasted money on a piece of junk that came with no lens cap'. Yeah, seriously, I bought a camera that came with no lens cap. Genius Of The Year Award goes to yours truly. <3

I'm pretty satisfied with most of the photos. Well, you could say the negatives came back POSITIVE. *ba dum tss*.

No need to facepalm, I've headdesk the table enough on your behalf.

Kek Lok Si Temple

Penang Hill

Gurney Drive Hawker Centre

Armenian Street

 Camera Museum

Apparently The Most Famous Cendol Place In All Of Penang

Batu Ferringhi Beach

Back to Queensbay Mall's Aeroline

That's pretty much it for this post! I shall leave this here and bid everyone a Merry, Merry Christmas! 

Hope to post again, soon. Xx